By: Linda Sapadin
She would never understand that my life is getting better
because I'm in therapy." Other people believe that therapy is a waste of time or a sign of weakness. Work out your problems by yourself is their guiding philosophy - whether you're hitting a brick wall or not. Michael wants his wife to come to therapy with him. She absolutely refuses. "It's a big waste of time. How is anybody going to make things better for us? We see things differently; nobody's going to change that. If you weren't so stubborn and you listened to me more, then our marriage would improve without any need to go to therapy." As with any experience, you must give therapy half a chance. If your attitude toward it is totally negative, then it will probably not do you any good, and you will have created a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are open to the possibility that therapy may be helpful to you, then you have opened a door to learning many things that can enrich your life and your relationships. Marianne views therapy as a "post-graduate education," with a major in communications and emotions. When she first began, she was "frightened to death" of so many things. Her mind was full of questions with no answers. She did not trust herself and had little faith in her own judgments. Now that she's been able to talk about what she thinks and what she feels in a calm, supportive atmosphere, she feels far less confused and far more respectful of her own intelligence. Michael views therapy as a way to improve his marriage. He's sick of the constant arguing and would like to redirect his energy toward other things than arguing over who is right. Despite his wife's refusal to join him in marital therapy, he's determined to learn as much as he can about how to communicate well and how to resolve conflicts or, at least, not intensify them. He figures that these skills will serve him well in life, no matter what happens with his marriage. Because psychotherapy is often covered by people's health insurance, many view it as "treatment" for "mental illness." For severe disorders, this "medical model" is appropriate. However, it's not the only, or the most preferable, model for most therapy. The "educational model" is much more accurate. When you are in therapy, you will be learning a great deal about yourself - how you think and what you feel. You will also learn about other people, critical thinking, expressing emotions, effective communication, group dynamics, coping skills, conflict resolution skills, parenting, intimate relationships and 101 other things that have the potential to make your life more meaningful and enjoyable.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. © Copyright 2002
