Linda Sepadin
They worry too frequently, too intensely, too automatically. Worrying becomes not just something they do on occasion; it becomes their way of life. Indeed, in the words of one champion worrier, "I don't know what else to do with my mind. It just automatically veers toward worrying about all the things in my life that could possibly go wrong."What's a worrier to do? As you might imagine, there is no easy "snap your fingers and you're better" magical therapy. But there are ways that you can reduce the worrying habit. Here are a few suggestions that might help: Be concerned, not worried. What's the difference between being worried and being concerned? With concern, you think about what's troubling you, take appropriate action, and feel relaxed once the problem is resolved. Worry, in contrast, is usually out of line with its timing and over the top with its intensity. You can worry about things that will never happen. Or worry about inconsequential things. Or, worry about other people's problems. Or worry so much that it hinders your ability to make a decision and inhibits actions that you should be taking. Avoid mentally "catastrophizing" what might happen. Worriers are inclined to dwell on the dreaded possibilities of what might happen to the exclusion of everything else. They think only about the worst case scenario. If you are a worrier, you need to guard against your natural tendency to overestimate the awful things that might happen in your life while underestimating your ability to cope with what life brings. Practice putting your worries on hold until you can make a more objective, realistic assessment of the problem. Once you clarify the problem, then focus on what needs to be done to help you get through it. Worried or excited? There's a thin line between feeling nervous about something and feeling excited about it. Worriers tend to lean toward being nervous and ignore the excitement side. Reverse this pattern. When you find yourself obsessing about something scary or worrisome, see if you can shift your focus to what's exciting about it. For instance, instead of worrying about whether you can handle a new job, focus on what you might learn, whom you might meet, what might be stimulating about this new endeavor. Answer your 'What if' questions. Worriers frequently use rhetorical "What if?" questions to dramatize and justify their worrying. What if I can't do that? What if I get lost? What if she dies? What if I start to panic? These "fake" questions are never answered. They just rev up your nervous system, resulting in a heightened state of anxiety. The solution: Plan ahead. Reflect on the problem. Answer "what if?" questions with a solution. Say to yourself: "I'll call for assistance"; "I'll take a map for back-up"; "I'll really miss her"; "I'll make an excuse that I'm not feeling well." Even a bad case scenario sounds much less ominous when it's spoken out loud instead of left to ring, and echo, inside your head.If you are a chronic worrier, you know the heavy toll that it takes on your energy, your optimism, your relationships. You may think, however, that there's nothing that you can do to change your nature - you are a worrier. In one sense you're right. You're not going to turn into a laid-back, relaxed, loose-as-a-goose person. But that doesn't mean that nothing can change. You can learn skills and strategies that will help you scale down your worrying as well as increase your coping skills.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She is the author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life (John Wiley, 2004.) She can be reached by e-mail at DrSapadin@aol.com Copyright 2005
