Women's voices

Here are a few examples: Marianne responded: "When my friend berated me for saying, "It's just my opinion." She said I sounded weak, insignificant, like what I say doesn't really count. She was right! Today, if anybody questions what I say, I don't hesitate to confront them by saying, "I'm entitled to my opinion."Anna stated: "Going back to school for a degree, it wasn't just one thing that I learned; it was the whole experience that made me feel more confident. I developed a personality of my own instead of being the mother, the wife, the daughter. Even though I'm 38 years old, it wasn't until I returned to college that I discovered who I am. I know now that I'm smart, personable, and interesting. I never used to feel that way about myself." Naomi's answer was the shortest but the most definitive: "You can't take freedom for granted." Jill's response: "When my brother died last year at age 43, I began to realize how precious and fragile life is. Before that I was so busy trying to make things perfect that I wasn't really living life. I was constantly obsessing about what wasn't right, trying to persuade others to do things the right way - my way. But old habits die hard. I can't say that I've totally given up my need to control. I'm no longer convinced, however, that striving for control is the best way to live. My goal now is to be more relaxed and stop wasting my energy on stuff that won't matter in the long run." Rachel's answer: "It's weird. But the more money we lost in the stock market, the more I eased up on worrying about money. I used to fret constantly over each dollar that was spent, wanting to make sure I got good value for it. When my teenage kids blew their money on frivolous things, I'd be upset. But now, I look at how 50% of our investments have vanished into thin air and think, we should have enjoyed that money. It's gone anyway. Why didn't I?" Pam's statement: "When my therapist asked me, what do you want to do?, I didn't know how to respond. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I'm a pleaser. I usually ask myself, what should I do? I've learned to give importance to my own thoughts and my own desires rather than always thinking about my obligations. Looking to please others without also looking to please yourself is a ridiculous way to live life." If you're somebody who is curious and open to learning more about yourself, then any occasion, any experience, any person can be your guide. How about taking a few moments to give a response to the question I asked others. "What do you think is the most significant learning experience you had this year?" Does your answer surprise you? Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples. © Copyright 2002